With the recent heartbreaking news about Robin Williams, I felt called to revisit an excerpt from my first book Stop Look Listen: A Practical Guide to Intuitive Healing (shown below).
I’ve experienced firsthand that horrible darkness of depression and the accompanying suicidal thoughts (and fantasies), so whenever I hear about someone losing that battle of inner darkness, it always triggers me to go back in time…
I’ll always start by thinking about my history in the dark ages of my story. My memory transitions through the phases of sadness starting with how such a young girl could feel so much pain, then on to gratitude for the people who can actually help you move past the awful cycle of internal abuse, and finally to feeling joy knowing that the last 10 years of my life have been so amazing, even with all the ups and downs.
People who are lost in their thoughts need to ask for help. It’s that simple (even though it doesn’t always feel that way). I finally sought out help at age 25. I knew something had to change, and it did.
The following is excerpted from Stop Look Listen: A Practical Guide to Intuitive Healing:
In the midst of my quarter-life crisis at the ripe old age of 25, I had gotten into a heated argument with my parents regarding something so ridiculous and insignificant. This sparked the largest tantrum I have thrown to date. Since I was living with them at the time, I ran upstairs to my room like a teenager, stomping my feet all the way up, and slammed the door. I took everything in my room — everything in my closet, my drawers, and my desk — and dumped them into the center of the room. I made a huge mess in this small space. It was as if I had literally lost my mind and was searching my room looking for it!
When I calmed down, with tears streaming down my face, I felt myself drowning in a sea of depression, apathy, and hopelessness. I was so absorbed in my delusional drama that there was absolutely no clarity of purpose and an absence of self-esteem. Feeling like I had been walking in the dark the last 25 years of my life, and hitting rock bottom emotionally, I was on the verge of giving up on life. Then I heard a voice say, “No, you’re not done yet, there’s more you have to do in this life.” I remember feeling annoyed when I heard it because it rained on my pity parade. It was not my voice or a voice in my head. It was a loud and clear external voice that was meant to be heard.
The message sounded like I had a purpose, and I instantly felt fine after that. That message had so much power that it didn’t feel like my own. It immediately realigned my thoughts, brought my mind back into balance, and I have never felt like giving up on life since that day. The voice sounded so much different than my conversations with God. Later, through meditation, I realized that one of my Spirit Guides had been the one speaking to me that day. Looking back, I can clearly see every beautiful experience that would have been missed, all the lives I’ve empowered, including my own, if I had chosen another path in that moment.
I am feeling so grateful for how my mind and heart have served me in the last 10 years, and now more than ever I listen to my heart and my intuition. Granted, I’ve still seen some sad and depressing days, but nothing that brought about any new suicidal thoughts. With the help I’ve received, I have learned how to take responsibility for my own happiness, and to ask for support when I need it.
If you are feeling lost in your thoughts, then please seek out help. If you need referrals, then please let me know and I can give you some good ones. You are not expected to do this on your own. Always remember– you are loved and we are here for you. ♥
May you always feel good and make magic…