Holy crap! 2016 sure knew how to make a grown woman cry. No, seriously, I cried more this year than any year before. I cried happy tears, I cried sad tears, I cried angry tears, and I cried miracle tears (that’s a thing, right?). I think I may have cried other types of tears somewhere in between. I definitely cried all of the tears. Needless to say, I’ve been a sensitive schmuck these past 365 days.
I once heard that all tears are not created equally, so I sought out the the all-knowing vortex of wisdom, commonly known as Google, to learn more. I found 3 very interesting things that I thought I should share with you. Here goes!
1. The Chemistry of Tears — I clicked on the link hoping it would be an entire 240 page non-fiction book all about the science of tears to feed the constantly hungry-for-information brain of mine. But no. It’s a novel. It had a cool enough summary to make me share it with you because who knows? This could be the book you add to your reading list for 2017. If it’s the book that changes your life, can you give me credit for the recommendation? If it’s a terrible book, then this never happened. Capische?
2. Why Do We Cry? — I found this little 3 minute gem with the perfect SEO title! A TED video that elaborates on the 3 types of tears we release. Warning, rant ahead: While this video explains the whole liquid releasement from the eye sockets thing really well, I did feel a little annoyed by the fact that the main character (the one who cries all the time) was a woman. All narrated by a man. Hmm… sexist, much? But if you look the other way and disregard the blatant mansplaining (like you have your whole life, especially if you’re woman) then it’s actually rather informative.
3. The Microscopic Structures of Dried Human Tears — You bet your sweet potato pie I clicked on that link, despite it’s super creepy title. And glad I did because it was a really cool article with photos that show different tears under the microscope. Each one looks like it could be really cool wall art. Hmm, this could be a great idea for a gift. Find a quiet place, then think about the person, cry your heart out, collect those tears, put them between two pieces of glass and under a microscope, then take a photo with a really expensive NASA-type camera, then blow up the image into a poster, then roll up the poster and pack it into one of the cylinder packages, and put an address label on it, and then drive to the post office, and then drop it off at the post office, and then wait for the delivery confirmation email, and then call your friend to see if they received your creepy art project. The perfect gift for your loved ones or jerky exes. I’m totally doing this!
// MY TOP 3 HAPPY TEARS OF 2016
1. The liquid emotion my eyes released right after I auditioned for the first time for a sketch show at The Second City in Chicago… I remember getting so pumped up right before. I was even listening to meditation music by Kelly Howell so I could visualize my success. I auditioned, but I didn’t think I did well. Regardless, when I drove home I cried the whole way, but they were tears of joy. I was so proud of myself for tackling yet another social fear and observing this moment as a milestone on my path of self-development (keep in mind I was deathly afraid of public speaking only 6 years ago). I happy cried all the way home. Or maybe I just had a nervous breakdown. Same same. (Note: I ended up getting casted the day after, and was certain the director made a mistake.)
2. Babies… I used think they were scary and gross. Until I met Maeve in May and Jazmyn in June (I just noticed the name and birth month alliteration. I wonder if it was planned, because it pleases me so). I first held Maeve reluctantly on her day of birth, worried I would drop her, or snap her in half, or sneeze on her tiny face. I’m clumsy and awkward and weird things happen. Anyway, they made me hold Maeve, and my heart literally exploded. Okay maybe not literally, but it felt that way. As if my heart had a brick wall all around it, and then SMASH! All gone. No wall. And the dam was broken. Tears, non stop tears of bliss. Maeve opened my heart up to love babies, and now I’m addicted. So it’s a good thing that my best friend popped one out just a month later. Ha, okay maybe not actually popped out. Baby Jazmyn took her sweet time and Mama Crystal was in labor for 38 hours, 25 hours without drugs. I am never allowed to complain about anything being painful around her ever again, or else she’ll give me “the look”. Trust me, this is not pleasant. Just picture Mike Pence’s face when found out all those people donated to Planned Parenthood in his name. Actually, Crystal’s “look” is nothing like that. I just wanted to plug Planned Parenthood.
3. The Cubs won the freakin world series! I’m not even a Cubs fan, but I cried tears of joy, because I’m a sap and I love an epic happy ending (get your mind out of the gutter). For 5 straight days, there were euphoric waves of hope pumping out into the world, and Wrigley was the epicenter. Chicago witnessed a colorful and collective community coming together. There was no “us vs them”, no “northside vs southside”, no “white vs people of color”. There was love. There was grace. There was celebration. There was UNITY. For 5 straight days! It was beautiful, and it happened right across the street from where I was studying and performing improv. I had front row seats to witness the magic for those 5 wonderful days… and on Day 6 I went back to being annoyed by Cubs fans, because they’re drunk, loud, and obnoxious… OMG!
// MY TOP 3 SAD TEARS OF 2016
1. When that steaming hot piece of turd was elected president, because sociopath.
2. When the police killed innocent unarmed black men, because Black Lives Matter.
3. When I found out the guy I was crushing on had a girlfriend, because heartbroken.
I chose not to elaborate on those 3 because why dwell on the crappy things in life. Yeah, they happened. Yeah, I was crushed. Yeah, I ugly cried. I’m human, and those moments help remind me that I’m a loving compassionate person motivated to make the world a better place… just as soon as I finish binge watching my stories on Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon.
2016 was filled with lots of death and disappointments, but it was also filled with miracles and magic. If life was 100% perfect, then it would be boring AF. 2016 shed light on the things that matter to us, made us stronger, and created space for us to love and communicate more authentically.
So bring on the drama 2017! We will cry all of the tears, but know that we got this.
Happy new year! :)
May the cackle be with you…
PS: Did you know you can access the Mirror Mirror archives by clicking here? You’re welcome!
// NOW IT’S YOUR TURN TO DISH
Let me know what you thought about this week’s Mirror Mirror. What kind of thoughts, opinions or confusion did it create for you? If you’d like to spark up a discussion, just shoot me an email at email@example.com, say what you need to say, and let’s make it happen. I’d love to hear from you!
// SEEKING CONSTANT APPROVAL
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// SOME WORDS ABOUT ME
I’m a comedy writer, self-help author, and podcast host. As a Second City trained comedian I love to write jokes, perform improv, and produce shows. With my books on Amazon, I empower readers everywhere to access their inner magic. You can also find me interviewing fellow authors from all over the world with my She Wrote A Book podcast. And I’ve been featured on NBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX. My obsessions include karaoke, my furbaby, and everything Disney.
// LEGAL STUFF
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